Thread: The fruits of nothing:

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks isolated from everyone. More and more lately I’ve wanted to take refuge in the place that only meditation can find but alas all I’m filled with is a comfortable silence. It’s been over a year since I’ve slept, or should I say it’s been a year since I stopped sleeping and started being conscious of utter nothingness every time my body needs rest. I’ve changed and I’m no longer the person I was anymore. No longer do I think of myself by a name, at times I no longer think of myself at all. I think I’m getting the hang of simply being and not trying to be anything anymore.

I’ve made slips and faux pass regarding to the road I took and some of the sights I encountered on my way. I’ve put forth some modern philosophy scooped right from the mind goo of someone who’s deliberately melted their brain. I reasoned if you we’re going to create a new kind of person you might as well enjoy the demise of the old one equally. I’ve celebrated my death now hundreds of times, lived lives from minutes to years long and each time I’ve emerged as a new person, a brand new template for possibility to be born.

But out of these countless thousand lives I’ve lived in this very life time I found myself in none of them at all. The virgin creator, the grand spark of life is my source and my life, my creations may be separate but the creator and I am always one. I am not my actions; I am not the circumstances I’ve to operate within – they are the badly used instruments I used to bring nothing into being. The eyes of our heart are always looking for ways to bring us sources of joy, but its gifts are wasted when the creations desires are tainted. You are your own creation and it is your responsibility to improve yourself and better your internal lives before trying to see change in the world.

The perfection of your inner life is what will lead you to greatness and power in the outer world. You must first learn refrain and poise within until you can hold it naturally no matter the situation you find yourself in. Omnipotence is not thinking something will happen and then having it happen before your eyes – but knowing that anything may happen and events may be aided into reality through action at certain times.

This framing of reality cannot be controlled or predicted by a lower form of ego or mind, which is why so many people get burned when they start using magick (religious or otherwise). They think that they are guiding some external force to achieve a certain end, they don’t realise that they are being introduced to a functioning component of their own internal processes. It is form creating form, neither is powerful enough to control the other so both end up co-existing within the same body, both sides waiting for the call to come forth.

We are born nothing, we become an idea of something and from this initial idea more and more are born. Society is taught to adhere to a single, stable form if possible but they don’t see that their idea simply can’t help creating more and more offspring. You cannot have one and not the other they are both part and parcel of desire. Indeed a single philosophy can never properly touch upon the subject without falling into the same trap. No body can teach you how to stop being what you think you are, the mind and the forms you’ve created are unique to you, it is your personal battle but we are all very much involved in the war.

This identification with ideas can cause any number of observable mental illnesses, a form that is seeking to be real will gather any number of other forms until it is satisfied of the validity of its reality. In order for us to transcend our limited points of view we must reject heaven as equally as hell, we must not put our faith or belief into either as they will just fuel more creation. Each dreamer will wake up if he realises he is dreaming, each desire will be extinguished when it is understood, no thought can arise in a mind that is seeking no answer and no hatred or good can come from a person who properly sees themselves in others and everything in nothing.

The person who has said “fuck it” and given up cigarettes never to touch them again has experienced it. The person who’s put all of their hope into being healed by a holy place and with their entire body and soul said”fuck it I’m cured” has experienced it first hand. The scientists have their “fuck it” eureka moments as do we all. The fact is, it is not until we have given up every single form, been put in the situation that we begin to doubt and reject everything we’ve learned and seen and finally go beyond our emotions and our ideas that we can finally work wonders. The only real wonder is the amount of resistance we put up before finally dropping our illusions and just being what we are.

The more ethereal qualities of ancient religions show they regarded life as a malleable dream, a place where an awakened one could create absolute wonders. Our modern times have lost this beautiful point of view and so set ourselves on the road of rigid materialism- this is the cementing of our idealistic prison. “Believe as everyone else seems to or else you’re the enemy.” Science, religion and politics no longer deal in philosophies, instead they try to outdo each other utilising observable facts. The world needs to unite in the realm of philosophy, of mutable forms not in the realms of the static all prevailing truths of the religious or the scientific.

Our world needs more philosophers, no matter how spurious, so that the world knows its okay to start thinking. Our world needs more crazy people who abandon everything to explore the inner-link between the universe and man. The world can never and should never be seen from a single point of view, to do this would be to completely obliterate the essence of evolving life. Evolution can be observed by witnessing the creation of better and more intelligent beings, not just in nature but also in mind. Evolution is seen within when we produce better and more informed thoughts, when our natural course of thinking does not separating anything at all.

The world needs people to remind them that it is we who are Divine and not just a man on a cross. I understand there is within me a pure element, an initiating principal that causes all of the reactions I see within my life. What I observe in reality is the nature of the created form and not the creator. It is an idea I’ve somehow endowed with life and it has its life only within my mind. This is part of my personal alchemy in essence. It is an art, with specially crafted symbols that allow me to map out emotional or subtle landscapes, hopefully revealing what roads I can take and where they go to.

Some people are thinking Alchemy is what turns lead into gold; it is also what turns Christ into Mohammed and God into Men (or vice versa.). A sage catches a glimpse of a pure understanding and later expresses it in carefully chosen words, yet the sage understands that the truth is not contained in the letter, it’s not contained in the meaning but it’s contained in above abstraction and invisible until the student has seen it for themselves.

No matter what system you are using you are mapping a symbol onto a corresponding part you’ve observed within yourself. You have set up a bridge between yourself and something that was previously unknown to you. Given enough time, understanding and patience you can develop enough links to catch a tentative grip of the whole thing. This does not diminish the importance of your particular beliefs, nor does it detract from their validity or reality, it puts into perspective that other people feel the same way about their own concepts, and also it shows us that both are equally valid ways from our retrospective points of view. The universe is only limited to our desire to create of it, there is always more to be learned and it would be a mistake for us to close off avenues that could allow us to explore the unknown and further our own development.

Alchemy refers to a process, that when used properly transmutes ignorance into understanding. It allows us to understand the value of nothing and rather than encouraging us to create, it prevents us from utilising the creative process by revealing its sublime non-existence. We have no need of creation when we are the creator. We are not Mercury, we are not Mars we are not any of them, but we use their forms in order to bring these elements into subordination and later sublimation, then we finally resolve them all, and see the place from where all aspects have their source.

Our melding pot is the ideas we’ve taken in both as a race and as a person, they’re being calcinated and distilled all the time. Instead of adding and stirring we learn to leave it alone and before we know it we have our stone. There is nothing to add and there is nothing to take away, the compound is already perfect and our tincture is complete.

What fails us is the creation in which we pour this essence, the understanding imparted to it about its proper role and the fact we almost always end up identifying with it and protecting it instead of crucifying it and allowing our pure essence to return to the Universal Church of the Mind. Silly Gods are we; we fear that we may not be able to create again!

The stone is a place of stability that will stand up against the elements for all time even though its shape is carved by the world around it and in this discovery lays the mastery of form by rejecting form, the mastery of mind by rejecting thought and the mastery of self by negating all perceivable concept of self.

The last part is only possible for a very few at any given time, but the first two should be practiced constantly. There is always an opportunity to advance yourself and it won’t be long before people start to see this change take hold in you and then, just perhaps, they will also seek it for themselves. I form a magical chain with you in this work, not by trying to change your point of view or any one else’s, but by sharing my experience as an example to you in the hope that you will be an example to someone else.

I find it fitting to share something that arose towards the end of my period of seclusion. I found it particularly inspiring; I hope you do as well.

Excerpt:

09 May:

When I spent my life chasing God or the Devil I never encountered them at all. Now that I’ve tried to free myself of them they show up all of the time. I began this period with the hope of gaining insight instead I’ve walked away from it utterly empty, perhaps now the battle is won?

I am 2 interconnected beings at war with each other, yet I am banished to the point of view of a 3rd. I’ve spent my life as a traumatized observer never really understanding why and it appeared as if I was the only one who could perceive these heavenly delights or hellish horrors at all. The world called on me to be like them, they were like the lake of the damned drawn to any light on which they could feed. I remember that hell vividly. They ended with an apparition of Samael.

When I went into my previous retreat I thought of mass as children, still awaiting the sacred bread to descend once again. I saw them being herded by wolves who knew the children’s desires who hung them from sticks, leading the children directly back to hell. I thought that because I could see that I was one who was destined to aide them, one who could participate in the great work, perhaps in time become an Initiator of Men. I thought I was doing Gods work and wanted to devote myself to spiritual acts.

This time I wanted to meditate of the fact I’ve walked the two roads just to see what each one contained. I’ve been the saint and the sinner, the light and the darkness at different points in my life. This meditation was to finally integrate this observer and bring this looming figure back into its proper place in the light.

I committed myself completely too each path. I had no choice this was a road long since set for me. I started off pure and innocent shortly after I became blasphemous and spiteful instead. This started from early on in my life, until I reached my teens and was literally engulfed in rage. I’d learned how to control it and to use it for my ends. The only way to cope with this rage was to become detached, and from this detachment I was to come full circle again.

When I matured and realised my actions I immediately set to work trying to better myself. I wanted to make sure the people I met in the future we’re treated differently to those in the past. That same anger I held then became a motivating fire, it was if the level of descent had added power a certain beauty and power to the blaze. I learned to connect with people and how to care about them once again but even while I was doing this I was still somehow detached from all of it. I was able to read and affect people deeply because I acted like an observer, my words we not judgements they were simply advice.

I watched how people would begin in one mood and through the suggestion of some other mood that their whole perception would become shrouded by it. It was as if with one pebble I had kicked up a dust storm that clouded their vision. In this confusion they could be made to see anything they want.

Through the repetition of this cycle, some would call the good times and the bad; I came to recognise both sides so well that finally I was able to see that I was something else. Those sides of me are alive; they are real conscious living beings, and each one was initially given life for good reason.

I’ve asked questions and got silence in response, I’ve tried action but that didn’t work. I had to try many paths to understanding to come to the place where I saw nothing I tried was working then to stop trying and simply allow it to work. I have made more progress in these 3 years than I had in the previous 25 because I stopped trying to make things into things they couldn’t be. I stopped being a person, I stopped being a name, a nationality, a religion a race or a belief, I stopped looking for who I am and saw that no matter what happened I was not only watching but I was now creating too.

I leave this seclusion behind having both God and the Devil as friends. I see they are real but they no longer have power over me. They are still great and powerful beings, but now, finally they have to accept my Divinity. They will still fight like children and attempt to lure me with their charms but like a parent I will love them and raise them well so they are empowered to create a better world. Their life will go on through mine and I have no life except through them.

I’ve destroyed, I’ve created, at one point I thought both were the only way, now I see both as the games of these sides, they are necessary to the continuation of life but I am not their slave. I will be here, behind every form watching and waiting for the next time I’m given the opportunity to arise.


I don’t really know how to follow this up so I’ve on idea how long it’ll be before I post again.

Enjoy.