Fear: the worst
I'm personally becoming quite frustrated by my issues with shielding / defence (or apparent lack thereof). In meditation I react from fear all too often, causing me to either "see" nothing, or instantly make horrifying images / creatures out of the specks behind my eyes - to the point where I would prefer not to see anything, and it goes back to simply specks. E.g. meditating in my bed last night before sleep, I saw a demon (for lack of a better term). This was after creating a circle. He wasn't entirely vivid, and went away after a number of tracings of a banishing pentagram, but it was still annoying.
In dreams I have the guts to face anything, but in waking practice I'm either guarding myself from terrible images - by involuntarily blocking my sight - or (occasionally) facing them in impartial study of their features - ie relaxing my fears and allowing them to be there in front of me. It would be nice to see some positive imagery one day...
I put this down to an over-active imagination (which is otherwise an advantage in my work, as you might expect) while instinctively expecting the worst - in other words fear. Either that, or I'm consistently attracting a lot of scary stuff without asking for it. Or both, given my environment and my mind are two sides to the same coin when speaking in a magickal context.
Perhaps I need to get serious about self-defence / shielding so I can relax and get on with the good stuff. Another option is some healing to soothe my own aggression etc - which will hopefully be reflected in the visions I project onto the speckles behind my eyes.
Any suggestions or alternative approaches?
It's neither either nor or,
It's either both or neither.
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