Honestly i thin dean is what i call cannon meat,your are being destroyed and you will learn nothing from this,true satanism rejects illusions and this is what you live by,i don't know in what you tapped in but it destroys you and using you ,this is not satanist is just madness,the purpose of satanism is to help human beings evolve not to destroy ourselfs ,you talk about the christian Satan not our true Father Satan.
I think something found your weakness and now is just exploiting you for energy or just fun.If others are as foolish as you ............they will have the same faith.(just an subjective opinion)
Fear not death and you will live for ever!
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